Clash of the Titans- He said

So remakes are all the rage now, and 3D is all the rage now. Combine the two and what do you have?! A really boring and horrible movie. That’s right cats and kittens, I’m talking about the 3rd movie in the “Sam Worthington: World Savior Saga“, Clash of the Titans. I confess I don’t feel fully informed, due to the fact that I have not seen the original movie. But unlike a few other remakes, I’m not sure that you NEED to watch the original, in order to like or even “appreciate” this movie. Sam Worthington stars as Perseus, with a supporting cast rounded out by the underused Liam Neeson as Zeus and my boy Raph Fiennes as Voldemort’s emo-twin Hades.

Like I said before, I’m not familiar with the original except the groundbreaking visuals by Ray Harryhausen, and that Perseus is on a quest to kill Medusa in order to save Princess Andromeda from the Kraken (From IMDB’s Clash Of The Titans Synopsis). Having read this, the remake makes even less sense. It starts with baby Perseus being found in a coffin floating underwater. A fisherman and his wife raise him. Eventually, Hades kills his family for no apparent reason than for a plot point. From here we learn that the Gods are not pleased with humans for their freethinking heretical ways. Apparently in this world need Love Power in order to be God-like. Hades kick starts the chain of events of this movie by having Zeus allow him to cause chaos among the humans with the Kraken, so they will pray to him once again for salvation. After this, it becomes the most paint by the numbers, “Hero’s Journey” tale. I have been saying for months that a lot of movies coming out nowadays are all different iterations of a tired old story (Avatar, Shutter Island, even recently How To Train Your Dragon) but that doesn’t matter to me, as long as the way the story is told is a fresh take. But no, they decided to have everyone and everything as a cliché. The team Perseus takes in his grand quest is composed of young inexperienced guys that look like Jared Leto (but are not Jared Leto), the Old Scruffy Guy, the Comic Relief Duo, and the Guy That Doesn’t Like The Hero But Probably Will Towards The End. I know you’ve seen them all before, but this time they just have sandals and swords.

Given the little that I know of the first movie, I am interested to know why the chose to make Andromeda a side character, instead of the main romantic interested. This role fell to Gemma Arterton as Io, a beautiful woman cursed with immortality that inexplicably helps Perseus through his quest. This chemistry didn’t work at all; I think drunk strangers have better chemistry than this. Like I said before, the Gods are very underused in that they feel inconsistent in their behavior, especially Zeus in regards to Perseus. One minute he could care less if he lives or dies and then the next time we see him, he is hooking Perseus up with some sweet God weapons.

Let’s talk visuals; the original Clash of The Titans made its mark by having groundbreaking visuals thanks to one Ray Harryhousen, and from what Jonesy tells me this movie looks campy and cheesy in a good way. You would think that with a visual update and an identical story it would be a great idea. Regardless, thanks to the horrible, and I mean horrible 3D upgrade that the movie received in post production, I am baffled by the low quality. I’m slightly hoping Cinematical’s article about the movie isn’t correct in a way. To condense the article, it says that because of how bad the 3D is plus the overall lacking CG creatures, they managed to make a completely unintentionally campy experience. I’m not sure if I agree because the “campiness” is not done intentional, and it’s not like the visuals were groundbreaking for their time either. The 3D ruins any depth that it was trying to create; it truly looks like pieces of paper stacked on top of each other for no real reason. What’s worse is that they blow their visual load in the trailer by showing off the fearsome Kraken in the trailer. That’s as good as it gets, folks. I know I haven’t talked much about the plot, and I would love to, but there simply isn’t one, this compares to Year One where it seemed that the movie was a set piece with a joke, transition, and repeat. It’s very much the same way here, except you replace the joke with a really extreme mythical creature battle.

Now you’re thinking that maybe I am being too critical and negative, but I have to tell you that I am thinking of this movie in terms of my friends that might like more actions movies than me. I say those people will be most bored because they have seen this movie way more times than I have. It’s boring, visually ridiculous, and does nothing for me. Please save your money, do not watch this movie, but if you have to, please do not watch it in 3D. Go see How To Train Your Dragon.